spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
