sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
