so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He felt like a one man threesome
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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