whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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