You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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