I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
