I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
