Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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