Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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