I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
