She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize