I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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