I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
