I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
