I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
