You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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