Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
