Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
