I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
