what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
