yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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