She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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