If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
