It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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