oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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