god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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