Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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