at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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