btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
