Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
