You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
