he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
