I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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