I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
