We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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