In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
