This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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