Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
