shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize