Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
