I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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