I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
