your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
