I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
