sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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