that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
