Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I deserve this hangover.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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