Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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