im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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