i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
