So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
