OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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