I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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