Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
