Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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