there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
