Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
