I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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