My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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