What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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