what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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