She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
