It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
