your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
