tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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