Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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